Two more days until I leave the Land of Dragons, not for good, but for a few months. Who would’ve thought that I’d be so emotionally attached to this place? In this six-walled space, so many events have happened. I grew so much. I met so many people. It’s a step forward to reaching my goals.
IT IS NOT EASY.
But nobody said that it’s unbearably hard either.
When human civilisation couldn’t bypass the thick skulls of individuals
Individuals who were afraid of changes
Who were afraid of races
Other than their own
Segregation based on colour happened
When those people whose skins were blackened
Were forced to live under tight legal circumstances
While the ‘uncoloured’ were still paranoiac
Despite being defended by Marthin Luther King Jr
Oh yes, they knew
Those pleas will result in denials
The begging will lead to refusals
Even laws which were supposed to protect
To get rid of the disrespect
Did not give them any explicit effects
Have you ever read or watched it?
By it, I mean I had a dream
Where fascism, racism in bloodstream
Were plead to be changed in the regime
So that, no colour is supreme
You see their skin turns golden
When the sun rays hit them
They are the American Indians
Whose land were guilelessly taken
Mistreated by public and the government
Striped to their bare souls
Living in poverty while those who mistreated them
Were enjoying their payrolls
When we asked
Why did you deny their presence and liberty?
Aren’t they just humans like you and me?
With two eyes, two limbs
Two legs and a set of teeth
They would laugh at you maybe
Or they would snort bitterly
They would say oh we simply follow the hierarchy…
The hierarchy that can make you feel like a stranger in your place of nativity
That is hierarchy of colours
I know I have done this a million times but I feel like I need some time to myself. To sort out myself because I am a mess right now. With Twitter, I get distracted a lot so best believe that deactivating both accounts is the best choice. Nothing is certain as of now, I’m still not sure whether I am making a comeback to YouTube or not and Twitter. Honestly, I’m not feeling like it. So yeah! Have a great day x
I went on Twitter and saw this tweet…
And I feel like I have something to say about this. I would like to apologise though if this blog post, after you have read it obviously, offended you but hey, gotta get my thoughts out of my head or else, I won’t be able to get First Past The Post and all of the Politics stuff into my head.
I had a very close friend (keyword: had), who had the same issue (keyword:had). Got his heart broken many times by the same girl, over and over again. Again, Liessa was being loquacious and annoyingly friendly, she had her nose stuck in his business and somehow got involved with this whole cheering him up cycle and this whole thing went on and on for about a year.
When he got over this girl, he was adored by many and just yknow, straight up labelled as a fboy. He just associated himself with loads of girls and obliviously broke their hearts (including mine but that’s another long story with a hella amount of plot twists). I feel like he was going down the self-destructive pathway as I was in 2014. Again, having a natural instinct of being a nosy person, I just became so disappointed in him, I became angry at him because he’s better than that. He’s better than just talking to a dozen girls and leaving them after that. That’s what I felt. Long story short, that’s one of the reasons why I decided to leave at the first place without knowing what this whole going to the UK was all about. I wanted to leave because if someone I care so deeply about destructs himself/herself and I couldn’t stop them, it seems like this girl here is just a good-for-nothing type of friend you get me? I left so that I won’t feel disappointed in myself because I couldn’t “save” this friend of mine. I left to escape my feelings and emotions. Thank God, MinDef is amazing, (speaking of MinDef, congratulations to the new scholars!) or else, I would regret my decision for my whole lifetime. Alhamdulillah, I love it here in the UK though.
As for the tweet, I feel like it is too simplified. I have been hurt by many different people of different affection levels throughout my whole life and I now talk according to my own experience. When you are hurt by someone, yes you will have a period of instability, it is inevitable really, then you will go on towards a period of emptiness and you will start to become egotistical. To stay stagnant in that period of emptiness, that is self-destruction. You care about yourself, you care about your own heart amends and you do not have any decency or courtesy to think about the ones who supply your heart amends. Self-construction is when you bring yourself back up after a series of instability period, pain and just, a plain downside of life. When you get hurt, you have to choose, to make your life out of it and go down the self-construction path or the former, which is self-destructing (a.k.a being a fboy). In the tweet itself, it seems like the fboy is avenging for this ball of pain he has to other girls (a.k.a me once upon a time) and just remember, did Julie treat you like Sarah did? Did she raise your hopes to the sky and crush it down like airplanes falling down from the sky? If you’re treating Julie because of what Sarah did, then you are no better than Sarah who broke your heart…
I decided to take a break from protein structure by blogging.
I have many experiences with friendships and befriending someone. Generally, as a friendly, loquacious girl, I tend to socialise and make friends easily. As time flies, I grew up and I started keeping my circle smaller.
Honestly, I am blessed with good friends. My best friends are amazing. My close friends are extraordinary. I couldn’t ask for more. They may not be there since day 1 but they have been there through my ups and downs and that’s all that matters. These people are the ones I can have private dinner at home with and pray together. These people are the ones I can be proud of and talk about to my mother.
I’m just…emotional right now.
Despite being so friendly and have an ability to befriend anyone, I have trust issues and I just couldn’t find a place to fit in until I met these amazing people. People left me when I was broken because it is in human’s nature to leave broken and torn up things. I can be a psycho or just an emotional wreck and people would probably be like “oh she needs time alone.”
like no. I don’t.
On the side note, another person just left me and thank you so much. Once I’m home, please for heaven’s sake. Don’t you even dare to question about my well-being when you vanished into the thin air while the real question here is, “where the f- were you for the past f- months?”. People need to realise that once you leave, you are out of my life. This person did not even have the tendency to treat me like a decent friend and did not appreciate me. I chose to stay because I have a very deep feeling for this friendship but hey, that one left me, I ain’t going to linger around no more right? I thought I would be appreciated as a friend because that’s what you claimed when I asked what are we BUT you’re more talk than action. Hm, I have a smaller circle of friends now. I wish you the greatest happiness and joy. I forgive you for treating me like crap and I apologise for venting it out on my blog but I hope I won’t have to talk to you ever again.
This blog post has been requested by many for a significant period of time. I started using my old Ask.FM (which I have deactivated) in 2013 and since then, I have received a lot of requests to reveal my stationery “collection”. Honestly, there’s nothing special but since I promised. Let’s get on with it!!
I will first start with my writing utensils.
↣ Uniball jetstream of any kind
I love this brand. I have been using them for ages! most of my friends also use them. They are so smooth. However, when you drop them or write on a bumpy surface or like when you use tipex and it’s only semi-dried and you write on the surface with jetstream, the next thing you’ll know, the pen will not work anymore. That’s such a bummer right?? But I still like them!
↣ Muji gel pens 0.5
THESE ARE AMAZEBALLS. I genuinely thought it is just one of the normal trends for studyblr accounts but I had the chance to go to Muji shop located at Oxford St. in London, saw these babes and decided to try them and darn, they are good!! You write smoothly with these, no doubt. BUT, they are quite pricey and you wouldn’t be able to use them in examinations as they are gel pens. To avoid messy accidents during exams, avoid using gel pens. I have 9 different coloured pens. They are available on Amazon.co.uk
↣ Staedler ballpoint pens
I’d rate this brand a solid 7.5/10. You’ll write smoothly with these most of the time but the colour of the inks are not vibrant. Due to the triangular stem of the pen, my fingers tend to get tired easier too. Attached below is one of the 12 colours that I have.
↣ Mildliner pastel edition
I love the colours as they are not that bright nor that faded. I love how they are dual-tipped too. A very high 9/10!! They are available on Amazon.co.uk in a pack of 5 which consists of orange, yellow, blue, pink and green highlighters. I lost my green one (and it’s the prettiest among all colours ☹ )
↣ My normal mechanical pencils from Pilot!
↣ Fibre-tipped pen from WH Smith
These, I got them on sale. I like to use them for my notes (before I discovered Muji of course) but they tend to stain and go through the whole paper. However, they are cheaper than the Muji pens and they come in a pack of 30! This is one of the colours that I have.
Okay, so I got rid of the writing part. Let’s get on to the technical things!
In the collage I have:
↣ Macbook Pro 2013 // I had them custom-made in Singapore and the capacity of the Macbook is 1 TB (1000 GB)…yeah I’m storing my whole life in it. The whole set comes with a cable charger and HDMI cable. I love my Macbook lol, I use it for everything!! I prefer Pro over Air because Air is so lagging, I’d probably go crazy man.
↣ Apple Mouse // For convenience purposes lol
↣ Electronic Dictionary bookmark // I got them when I was n Birmingham. I checked them out at Best Eastern back in Brunei before I went to the UK and it cost approximately B$38 (RM 114) and here, in the UK, I only got them for £12 (B$24 @ RM84)!! I KNOW!!!!!!
↣ Casio fx-991ES Plus // this thing is a lifesaver. It’s my 6th calculator in 6 years. Sorry mum. I like this one better than any of the calculator that I’ve ever had because this one has an integration button HAHAHAH
↣ HP Pendrive 8GB // My school pendrive @ my life line srsly I will die
↣ “Rojak” notebook and planner
I got both of the books from Paperchase!
Lastly, I have school bags.
↣ Longchamp backpack // When I bought it at Harrods (London), it was £62 but here it is reduced to £56
↣This black Kipling backpack // Apparently I got the last one in the whole Indonesia (Bought it for 7 -9 Juta Rupiah? at Paris Van Java, Bandung)
↣ Ripcurl bag pack // Bought it for B$20 here
↣ My first Kipling bag // Purple Kipling Billie backpack which I bought in SG
↣ Pencil case // From Harrods, London
Okay, I guess that’s it!! Sorry though, this whole thing is a bit rushed because I still have some things to do! Feel free to drop any comments if you guys have any inquiries!! Thank you so so so much and OH, tell me what I should do next!!